6 March 2008

a thin line

in face of conflicting decisions, there certainly is a very thin line between the two options.
and it is in this ability to clearly demarcate the line that great practice of the faith is produced.

imagine, trying to delve into an alien world, where all that you know is the medium of interaction. all that you thought you signed up for was a mere scant dalliance with some people. fair enough you thought. but you finally realise that you are there just to figure out that joining this world is a different process altogether. that while you come prepared with your 'clothes of faith', you are made to decide whether you will always be able to wear it in this world. whether or not you will have to act like the rest? whether you will act as if the clothes had not been there in the first place.
uncertain times, indeed.
it sways both ways.
one day you see a better light, you see peers from this new world with a complete clothe.
and you thought, well what a surprise: i will do the same.
the other day, while being around peers from this new world, you don't see anything.
and you decided, well these people are not doing anything: well let's act like them.

so life treats you with a lot of challenges. and at times, you err knowingly. and true, the bitter taste left is quite profound.
and it makes you wonder at times of solitude, the whole reason of venturing into this new world.

it is baffling, this world, strange to the heart so nurtured with certainty and decided paths.

you come defined in every sense. and you forget parts of your definition.
and then you see this new world reconciling and even recognising the elements which helped define those particular parts of you.
you feel ashamed. embarrassed.
and you get confused.

in the know and you still err?

and you
to yourself

may be the knowledge is not sufficient?
could it be too superficial?

and you then embark on a journey of revisitation of your definition. so that you may, by His graces, embrace your definition, after having come to terms with your definition.
after having unpacked and dismantled, and then repackaging in a neater manner with a more sound basis.

and you pray the two words will be a big banner for your definition (or rather re-definition) of your soul: embrace and pride.

and do we really think, after having accepted it, we will not be tested?

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-At Taubah, 9:111

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